Good days, bad days...

All I ever wanted was to be a good mum to Naima. All through my pregnancy I worried about eating all the right things, taking the right vits, going to all my appointments, reading to the baby, getting all her bits ready. For some reason I never worried about the birth, I told myself if my mum could do it then so could I. And as for motherhood – I assumed it would just come naturally to me. And it did to a certain extent but nothing prepares you for how hard it really is, for the ups and downs and the all over the place moments. Every other mother told me, "Yes it's hard but you will get through." That's not the whole truth though is it mammas? It's like we're all following the unwritten 11th commandment, "Thou shalt not tell another new mum what it's really all about." There's days I feel rubbish at everything, short-tempered, fat, lazy and slightly alcohol-dependant. The laundry never ends, you're never quite clean thanks to dried baby sick/poo/sweet potato, the exhaustion is bone-deep and teething a nightmare, a God awful nightmare. After Calpol, Calgel, ice cubes and teething toys have been exhausted there's nothing you can do to make your baby feel better and my poor little Naima has really suffered at the hands of her red raw gums. A miserable baby makes a miserable mummy and that's when all the niggling doubts start to eat away at your already over-tired and emotional mind. Am I a good mum? Does my baby hate me? Will it ever get better?

Well it has to - because that's life. With the bad, horrible, lonely days come the glorious sun-kissed, laughter-filled days. And that's what makes it all worthwhile. Here are the top 5 most important things I have learnt since having Nai Nai, the lessons learned that get me from Monday through Sunday:
(1) Everything is temporary. Eventually the crying will stop, those teeth will come in, the weight will drop off, you will get some sleep. Whatever state you are in now it won't last forever. Make sure you leave behind today's issues in today, forget about them the next day. You can't manage them and the new challenges tomorrow will bring.
(2) Cry every day. No matter if you are happy or sad release those tears. It's cathartic and will make you feel a million times better when you've dried your eyes.
(3) Seek advice. Surround yourself with a gang of honeys as fine as mine who are always ready with suggestions and ideas as well as a shoulder to cry on when you just need to talk. Let them be there to boost you up when you need it and it'll make you feel great to be there for them in turn.
(4) Ask for help. Whether it's from your partner, your mum, your BFF, don't be afraid to ask for a helping hand, big or small. You can't do everything yourself so don't try.
(5) Don't feel bad. This is the one piece of advice which is the hardest to take I think. You have to be an inherently bad person to be a bad mother. As long as your bubba is fed, watered, happy and loved then you're doing fine. The laundry will do itself one day, don't sweat the small stuff.